Monday, December 29, 2008
Your leg's like, "GET UP!"
Your leg kicks awake. And you wake up. This was the dream right. I was being chased by a giant crab. It's not funny. This huge like 50 foot crab.
He was chasing me down a beach and he was doing that crab run where he was like snapping at me with his little snappers. And he was after me all night long... he was trucking. He was doing like 100 miles an hour.
You know like when you're bring chased by a killer or a beast? In the dream they can run as fast as they want but you can't.... you're like "AH COME ON, I CAN'T MOVE!!"
But the crab is like eh... and his eyes were like shooting lighting out of its eyes and he was wearing little loafers or something. I dunno. Oh, my leg just went "GET UP!" And I woke up for like a second and then I went right back into the stupid dream. Which only happens with a nightmare.
If you're dreaming you're having a great time on a cruise, on vacation or whatever. You know how you like wake up and you pretend you're not awake? You try to trick yourself. Oh no! I'm not awake, I'm in Cancun! Nooooo!!!
But I fell back into the into the dream and the crab was like waiting for me. He was like UGH.... And I was like "NOT AGAIN!" All night long. And then I woke up and I called my buddy Mike. I had to tell somebody, he picks up the phone...
I'm like "Dude I had the weirdest dream last night."
And he goes all concerned, "What was you dream?"
I go,"I was being chased by a giant crab."
"What?! ... Dude, what?!" All the sudden he's like "Hold on!" and I hear like pages. *flip flip flip flip flip*
I go, "Dude what are you doing?"
"I have a dream book. I'm looking up crabs to see what they represent in my dream book. Dude, here it is... Crabs! Hold on Crabs. Uh crab....... um.... uh... it represents....... Dude.... you're gay......."
"That's why you were running away... cuz a crab represents sexuality cuz it doesnt know which way its going, and that's why you ran away. You were running away from your gayness!"
I said, "What about the lightning?"
"Uh... emphasizes the gay! That's what it says. If there's lighting around the crab, you're super gay. That's what it says right here. Super gay.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
"Look Roger, there is a 7-11... lets stop and ask an employee."
"I'm not lost! I'm trying familiarize myself with the area for the future!"
Roger was completely honest with that statement, because the future could be anything from now to anytime in the future or near future (like 5 min from now).
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you?
Last year I tried the PNH approach to Christmas by reading A Christmas Carol to the kids. I discovered my inadequacy very quickly. It appears that you have to be a bit of linguist to orate without error. Alas, we must leave that task to the expert. Maybe a digital recording of said reading will find it's way to our home next year. Until then, George C. Scott will have to do.
A few weeks ago I declared to my family. "This year is the $50 Christmas!" Which means each person has a budget of $10 to spend how they see fit. They can spend it all on one person or spread it out.
This makes one very creative and thoughtful on what to do. One of my most memorable Christmases as a child was when I sewed a couple of kitty pillows for Jenny. I had fun doing it and it seemed Jen liked them.
I tried to have a better holiday each year only to feel less satisfied. So here is my experiment. The $50 Christmas.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I was searching for something for a future blog when I found the heart-attack-on-a-stick. I laughed out loud due to unbelief and admiration. It sounds as gross as it looks, but strangely appetizing.
Here it is for your enjoyment!! A french fried covered piece of bacon. LOL!!!!!